How many times have you or someone you loved said, “I always end up with guys/girls that do ———— to me,” or “Why do all my relationships end like this?” or the infamous, “Why am I a magnet for ———-?”
The good news is you are aware that there is something wrong.
The bad news is that you maybe failing to recognize the pattern. The source of this pattern can most likely be traced to an original relationship that may or may not be romantic in nature. This original relationship can be found by asking yourself, “Who was the first person to make me feel like this?”
You are trapped in a revolving relationship. The differences between your choice of partners are external, internally they are the same person. They are versions of that original person from that original relationship. The purpose of a revolving relationship is to give us the opportunity to learn a lesson we may not have been mature enough, or strong enough, to process at the time of the original injury. If we are unaware that this is the purpose of a revolving relationship, we will begin to engage in a vicious cycle of trying to change the outcome of the revolving relationship in an effort to obtain the false impression that we are over the hurt of the original injury. In other words, we date the same type of person hoping s/he will change, hoping this time they will love us the way we deserve to be loved, hoping this time they will stay, hoping they will do what the original person who hurt us did not do.
The reality is that you are the common denominator to all your relationships. Yes, there is something about you that attracts cheaters, non-committers, the needy and the greedy, the selfish, etc. But here is the good news! Because you are the common denominator you have the power to change the equation, and therefore, change the outcome. You can identify the original relationship, explore it from a place of healing, collect your lesson, and eliminate your need to recreate it in your life. Once that happens, you will no longer need to revolve around this lesson. You will be free to move on to the next amazing chapter of your life. You will be better equipped to develop and sustain relationships created for the purpose of love, health, and healing.
Today, write out a list of your last 3-5 relationships. What do they all have in common? Start with the circumstantial, and end with the emotional. Circle the emotional factors that strike a nerve deep within you. Now ask yourself when you first felt this emotion. Who were you with? Where were you? What was the person’s reaction? What was your initial reaction? What did this situation teach you at the time about relationships and love? At this point in your life, can you look at this same situation and see alternative lessons that you were unable to see before? How do these alternative lessons apply to your last 3-5 relationships? How can they apply to your future relationships?
It’s time to get off the merry-go-round.
Plant your feet on solid ground.